In the wake of filing for divorce, fighting for primary custody of your child may seem like the most challenging battle you’ve ever waged. When emotions and resentments run high, it can be easy to envision or even enact shouting matches and pitched battles. But with all due respect, our advice for parents going through a child custody battle is to remain cool, calm, and collected. An even-keeled, analytical approach often leads to the best outcome for you and your child.

Don’t Speak Ill of the Other Parent

It can be tempting and cathartic to let all your ill will loose during a separation or divorce. You may want to vent your spleen about grudges and misdeeds to friends, relatives, or even your child. As good as this may feel in the moment, however, there’s a high likelihood your words will come back to haunt you. Even in situations where your feelings are justified, expressing your opinions too openly could color the opinions of people whose support you rely on.

Communicate With Care

In a similar vein, as you remain in touch with your co-parent through a custody battle, be aware that written communications such as texts and emails could find their way into the custody hearing. With that in mind, communicate calmly and professionally regarding matters of child custody so as not to harm your own standing in family court. As difficult as it may be to keep your emotions out of family issues, avoiding unforced errors may work to your benefit.

Inquire About Drug Testing

Saying goodbye to your kids for the weekend is never easy. Even leaving them in the best of hands can give you a twinge of doubt. The trepidation you feel when you’re forced to leave them in hands you know not to be the best, however, can lead to overwhelming anxiety. Ongoing divorce and custody proceedings can be difficult on parents, and drug and alcohol abuse during such tumultuous times is regrettably common. Not only can some forms of self-medication be against the law, they can also endanger your children. If you suspect your child’s parent or new partner is exposing your child to illegal drugs, you may ask the court to order a 10-panel hair follicle test, which will identify the use of illegal and commonly abused prescription drugs within the last 90 days. For additional insight, ChildGuard testing can verify a child’s passive exposure to drugs such as methamphetamine, crack cocaine, and marijuana.

Be Honest

Our overarching advice for parents going through a child custody battle is to tell the truth. Overstating or understating adverse conditions won’t stand up under scrutiny and severely jeopardizes the likelihood of a positive outcome to your case. “Honesty is the best policy” may sound like shopworn grade school wisdom, but with investigations and evidence available to the court, a transparent and forthright approach to your custody case will always serve you much better than one of fanciful horror stories and gross exaggerations.